Edwinadolly - A life in Pink
Chapter 9


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I fell head over heals in love with someone that would and could never be mine...Me and my 'Toyboy'......

The year of 1990 had just began... I had been out of work and on the sick for a few weeks before Christmas, because of 'Spondylitis', but now, at the beginning of January, I was back at work. I was sat in the smoke room having an own rolled ciggie first thing in the morning before that working day had started. When this young man walked in, and he wearing a black leather Bikers jacket no less!. His name was, Mathew, he was 20 years old, he was small in height, well built, kind of muscular, you know, the 6-pack etc. He had the bluest eyes I'd ever seen, sandy coloured hair, and he had this really deep gorgeous voice. He came from Herefordshire and he sounded kind of Welsh. I liked him straight away!. I am very amiable, so was soon chatting away to him, and then I done something, that I had never done in my life before, I asked a bloke out!???. I don't know whatever possessed me?, I don't know where I got the nerve from?, the only thing I can think of is, maybe where he was much younger than me, that it didn't seem to matter that I asked him along to see 'The Hamsters' with me at the Nags Head that weekend?..... What's more surprising is, he graciously accepted. I honestly didn't realise it..... But I was actually setting out to seduce this young man!. Well, I guess it was more like love at first sight at that time?. I found him very attractive, not in the sexy way, but there was just something that I liked about this young boy.
On that Saturday, I done my hair up, wore a very short black clingy dress, sparkly black and silver tights and stilleto sling back high heels, gawd, I must have looked like I was hawking it?, hahaha. I had arranged to meet Mathew at 8.00 pm in the Nags Head, he would be coming down on his..... Mountain bike!, hahaha. He had previously lost his licence some monthe before for his motorbike, so a Mountain bike was his means of transport. He turned up, we took his 'bike' upto my brothers, just up the road, instead of leaving it down the pub and then went back to the Nags. We went upstairs and it was heaving with people. I managed to find a stool to stand on near the wall, Mathew, stood below me all evening, we were both drinking Newcastle Brown. Hey,in the middle of the show,when the best looking musician from the Hamsters was strumming his guitar within the crowd, he came upto where I was stood on the stool, he faced me leaning backwards as he strummed his Guitar and played like he was just playing for me!...wow!. I felt quite honoured, I felt like the most beautiful looking girl in the pub at that time, and I felt very proud of myself. And no, pride doesn't come before a fall, I didn't fall off of the stool and embarrass myself! hahahaha.
With the warmness of the room and the atmosphere there, even though I hadn't drunk that much, I felt quite tipsy, maybe it was just the ambiance of the evening???. After the band had stopped playing and the pub was closing, me and Mathew left and then went back to my brothers for, Mathews, bike, we stopped long enough for a cup of tea and then set off. I only lived about a mile away from my brothers, the first part was uphill, but then we got to the top of that, and I had pointed to Mathew that we had to go straight down the other side of the hill, through the very posh Lucas road. He told me to get onto the saddle and he'd give me a 'backie'. So,there was little ol' me, all dressed upto the nines in my mini dress and high heels, sat astride a pushbike with my legs outstretched each side and going downhill as fast as the bike would go!. I was screaming with laughter and had to shout for Mathew to be careful, for at the bottom of the hill, was a metal railing fence,and over that fence was the main Amersham road! hahaha. I was saying to Mathew, "could you imagine the two of us flying over the railings on your pushbike?, what a sight it would have been for anyone to see!!!" hahaha.
Once we got back to my room I felt quite worse for wear, not sick or anything, just a little tired, so I asked Mathew if he would make me a cup of tea, which he did, as I got undressed and got into bed. Mathew follwed suite, as I had already told him that he could stay at mine that night. He was laying there and saying about how the room could do with a bit of decorating etc, he seemed to know quite a bit about various stuff, considering as he was so young, he actually reminded me of my dad at that point, as he was good at everything he tried too. Well, the inevitable happened, but it wasn't anything memorable or worth relating, I just didn't feel sexy with him, I don't know why?.   

So, this began an on and off thing with, Mathew. A couple of days later, I invited him out on another night to the Nags. My friends, Teresa and Paddy, were moving to Cambridge, so there was to be a bit of a party going on there. So, I cooked dinner for me and Mathew. He had to go and see his probation officer first, and then he came round to mine for roast Lamb, potatoes and mashed swede with lucious gravy. He said it was as good as his mum made, and that he was expecting beans on toast, or something like that for dinner, not a proper roast. party?, it was as dead as a doornail, there was only me and Mathew, and another two, Fiona and Dougie, that actually turned up!. He told me he wanted a relationship with me that night at my place, then when we got back to work the next day, whilst going home from work, he told me he didn't want a relationship with me, he just wanted a friend. I went to my place feeling hurt and let down, I made myself some cornflakes for dinner, and then I went to my sisters house.
I had been crying all the way down there. When I got to, Mels, house, I went in there, and her husband, Simon, asked me what's wrong?, I told them that I had fallen over in the park, which I actually had on my way to, Mels, too, but I hadn't hurt myself, it was just another bad thing to top that day off. Simon, went out in the kitchen with my sister and he told her that I was too tough to be crying over falling over. In the end I told them what had happened.
So, that was the time when  moved in with my, sister and Simon, and my sisters two small children, Shane, and ,Miranda. I got the great big bedroom at the front of the house, and oh, we used to have such fun there, some really great laughs. Mel, and, simon, have the same kind of sense of humour that I have, so it was always lots of laughs there, it would be just over silly things. Like the night that I had just gotten out of the bath. I walked into the sitting room,and accidentally farted as I walked past, Simon. He was sat on a small chair with no arms on it, and he just fell onto the floor sideways, like he was dead!. I just couldn't stop laughing, I literally had pee running down my leg!, so I was shouting and laughing at him at what he had made me do, considering that I had just had a bath!, hahahaha. 

At that time, I wanted to be with him, always. I loved him, I was besotted by him, I loved everything about him. I couldn't keep my eyes, my hands, or my mind off of him. It was just so obvious how I felt about him. But, it's hard work trying to have a relationship with someone you work with, it's even harder trying to work with them, when the felings aren't the same for both. I was always too open and honest how I felt about him, some girls there, in their early twenties, were jealous of me. I was 29 years old and looked only 20, I had a great social life and felt at the time that I had everything I could wish for, except for, Mathew, that is. The whole factory knew about the on/off thing with me and, Mathew ,and everyone would have their say. I guess that old beatles song 'Hide your love away' is true eh?

I went to see Dr Feelgood with a load of my girlfriends from down `The Nags head`, we saw them at `The Townhouse and Country Club` in Old Kentish Town. There was us girls, and some of the wives and girlfriends, of The Windsor chapter Hells Angels went, and we had a ball!!!. I can even remember what I was dressed in that night!, a velveteen Leopardskin catsuit, black Doc Martins, and of course my Leather!. I have to admit that Dr Feelgood were nowhere near as good as their support band `The Hamsters`, the group that we often used to have upstairs in the Blues attic at The Nags Head.The Hamsters were awesome as usual!,they really bring the house down with their blues/rock music. While we were enjoying ourselves bopping away to the music and drinking our beers, a young girl around five ft 6ins and built as round as she was tall came along in front of our group, with her weedy looking little boyfriend, who was obviously years her senior. Anyway,this `girl` was throwing herself all over the dance floor, like a po-going punk rocker on speed!, if she had been bald, she'd have looked just like, Buster Bloodvessel, from the group Madness! hahahaha. Man, she was knocking everyone about!. I got so mad when half of my pint of beer went up my arm, that in temper, I threw the other half all over her, not even considering the possible consequences. Well,the room was getting hotter and fuller, I hate being really closed in and squashed up,so I went and stood near the doorway to the loos. You could feel the undertone of tension in the air, I stood and thought about what `could` happen?. At the time,I was a British size twelve, one punch from this girl would have sent me halfway across London. Teresa, made me even more mad inside. She was stood there bragging that her boyfriend belonged to the Windsor chapter Hells Angels, so people hadn't better mess with her. But everyone else knew that they were only using her boyfriend for his motorbike building skills. As the night grew to a close, most of the people had gone, there was still the group of us there, and this girl and her boyfriend. We were anticipating a bloody great fight once we got outside, but I had stipulated that it was my fight, I caused it, so I was the one that had to deal with it. The weedy boyfriend came upto me and said `you`ve got a lot of guts`, I replied something like,`yeah, I was pretty pissed off wearing half of my pint`. We all ended up chatting, me and the girl shook hands and that was it!. I couldn`t believe I got away with it?, maybe she didn`t think that a person the size of me was worth the effort?, she`d have flattened me with one dig!.So,phew!!!, I got out of that one okay :)

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