This is Elodie Caroline

Whatever happened to the teenage dream?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
My favourite things
My own recipes
My own poetry
Favorite Links
Contact Me

Gawd, most of my teenage years were something and nothing I suppose?. I'll start my teenage years from when I was going to secondary school, so this would be from nearly 12 years old. It's kind of funny, by this time of my life, I was going around on and off, with some girls that were three years older than me, there was Denise, my brother Pauls best mates sister, Deborah and another Debbie. They only really went around with me because I can ashamedly say at my age now, that I was a better shop lifter than they were, I could steal anything and get away with it, I never got caught either!.
Anyway, the last time I ever was to go shop lifting, was the day before I started secondary school. Alas, I walked up to Denises house, and promptly fell on my ass down her driveway,and ended up in hospital with a dislocated elbow. I must have had a warning from God I reckon?. So, my first day at secondary school was with me, with my arm in a sling!, I couldn't even wear my new school uniform, the shirt wouldn't fit over my arm in the sling.

Secondary school was awful, I had to endure a gang of  so called 'friends that were like a bunch of spiteful, spineless idiots, a misfit pack of bitches. I went around with four girls called Anna, she was a rich little daddies girl with her own horse, but she didn't have the brains to go to a high school. Maria, she was a good laugh most of the time. I would see her outside of school some evenings and she used to walk to and from school with me, she'd call for me in the mornings really early, just so that she could see me having my injection!, she admitted this to me, what sort of person wants to see another injected???,weird!!!. valena, a huge black girl who was brilliant at shop lifting and had a good sense of humour,t hen there was Dot,the most tomboy of girls that I had ever met. When she left school, she had a baby, got married and then went to live with another girl, they are Lesbians.
These girls would be my 'friends' most of the time and then at least one day a week, they would have a let's not talk to Eddie today, they would just totally blank me???. I used to feel hurt, rejected and betrayed each tim,e and yet I always used to go back with them when they wanted to start talking with me again. I was too soft for my own good, but only on the inside, I'd never show it on the outside. If I were ever famous and on 'This is your life' and these four turned up, I would just tell them all to 'fuck off!!!'.  Five days before my 13th birthday, I got run down by a car. I ended up in hospital for 4 days, they had plastered my right leg up, as it was supposedly broken?. The same night that I got run over, I lay there and picked the scabs off of my face where it had hit the road, the nurses told me that I'd be scarred for life for picking my face, I wasn't, there wasn't a scar to be seen, ever. They wanted me to stay in there, but I created hell, there was no way that I was going to stay in hospital on my 13th birthday!. They decided that they were going to x-ray my head for skull fractures, what,four days after it had happened?!, nothing there, so they plasterd the left leg up also, and then let me home. This happened on the tenth of December and I had both plasters off on the 28th, so there couldn't have been broken bones there.
One of my so called friends,Maria, told everyone that I had been run over because I was walking in and out of the white lines!, like I'm really that stupid. One thing did make me laugh and joke about the accident though, it's ironic, but I was on my way to 'First aid' classes, I could have been a real live patient instead of old snotty looking Resucianne!.

All through my school years I had to endure endless taunts from other kids because our dad was Polish, we had this really long unpronounceable surname, and so we got picked on for it, we was bloody foreigners etc.
When you don't feel loved at home and you get shit from your peers, it makes you feel unwanted anywhere in the world, well, the only world that you know at that time in your life. Because of all of this, although I didn't realise it at the time, I wet the bed every night until I was 15 years old, nothing to brag about, but at least I know the answers to why now.
I had terrible troubles with my periods through my early teenage years too. I was taken home by the school Matron every month with a bucket besides me because I was always sick, I'd end up fainting at school with the pain, I'd actually see stars I'd be in so much pain, yet my mum didn't see fit to take me to the Doctors about it. One day in the summer holidays, I was about 15 then, I felt so ill when I was down Nickys house, that I just had to leave. Nicky only lived about 5 minutes walk away, but by the time I was near to the last 3 houses near my home, I was seeing the silver stars and only just made it to our back door. I held hold  of the inside door handle with my right hand, the outside doorhandle with my left hand, and then fainted there and then!. I woke up on the sofa about an hour later.

Nicky... My one great saviour in my early teens was Nicky, she was the same age as me, she was tall,redhaired and as mad as a hatter!. Me and her hated one another with a passion at little and middle school, but the day we started secondary school, we became the best of friends.
Nicky was in different classes than me, we only shared one class per week, which was Reigeous education, but after school we were always together. Oh man!,we used to have a really great time together, we laughed and cried together, we got into trouble together, never anything very serious or with the law or anything, just silly teenage stuff. We liked the same music, the same sense of humour and somettimes had crushes on the same lads!. We used to go to the pub one night, acting all grown up, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes etc, but we never went out with boys until we were 16/17, the next night we'd be out 'Ghost knocking' like a couple of big kids, oh we used to laugh until we cried, she would actually stand on the doorstep and wait for them to answer sometimes, she would stand there straightfaced and ask if they wanted to buy any national insurance?!!,I would stand there crying with laughter.
Nicky had her own cross to bear at home,she had a stepmother, and her stepmum was a very nasty person sometimes to Nicky, she wouldn't do it in front of Jim ,Nickys father though, she was too clever for that. But Nicky was like me, we were survivors. Nickys dad used to call us Laurel and Hardy, Nicky, tall and thin, me short and overweight, the only thin times I ever had was all through my twenties, that's a totally different story though. Me and Nicky even had pet nicknames for one another, we weren't Lesbians or anything, we never experimented through curiousity, but our pet names for each other was, Nicky was 'Bionic boobs' and I was 'nuclear nips'. I'll leave it up to your imagination why?.
In our last year of school Nicky started going out with a lad called Kev, he was helping a builder bloke called Tpm, whom Nicky fancied like mad at the time. Tom wasn't interested though, but Kev was, so they started going out together. I suppose I was jealous?, not that she had a boyfriend, but that she was being taken away from me, I knew I'd miss her. Me and Kev used to kind of bite at one another, in the end, Nicky gave me her Marie Osmond L.P, so that I'd be nicer to her boyfriend, it worked!. I just had to settle it to myself that Nicky had someone else to pass the time with now.
Me and Nicky were inseperable until we left school, she went to live in Oxford with kev once she'd left school. I did go to see them and stayed for a weekend once, but it just didn't seem the same anymore and I spent the first day with PMT and crying over my very first love Andy, but we did have a good laugh for the rest of the weekend.

Babysitting for Rosemary. From when I was about 12 years old, I got a regular job as a babysitter for our older sister Rosemary. I used to babysit every Tuesday and Thursday night, and used to get paid a pound a time for it, a pound was quite a bit of money back then, and if I babysat on a Saturday, I got five pounds!!!. I loved babysitting, I always done it on my own and I'd sit there and watch what I wanted on the TV. I got into 'The old grey whistle test' on a Tuesday night, that was great, I'd always been grown up in my musical tastes anyway, so this was a treat,this is how I first heard 'Sarah' by Bob Dylan from his 'Desire' album. I also used to love watching the plays on a Tuesday evening before the old grey whistle test too. Sarah, my young niece used to sneak downstairs as soon as her mum and dad had gone out and sit cuddled up with me on the sofa. She was a lovely little girl, she looked just like Shirley Temple and was as good as gold to look after. Her little brother Simon never got up, so it would be us girls together. 
 I used to get clothes from my mums catalogue, I even got a little Fidelity record player from there too, I just loved my music!... and still do. I used to spend a lot of my money on 7 in singles, you used to be able to get three for a pound back then!. My dad used to complain about me 'wasting my money' on records,yet, when him and mum had friends back from the Polish club with them on a Friday and Saturday night, my dad would make me go and get my record player and records from upstairs to play for his mates!.
Platform shoes were all the rage in the early 1970s, my very first pair was a bright orange colour!, I feel embarrassed now just thinking of them. Platform shoes is another thing that me and my dad always argued about, I don't know why?, he always told me that, when I paid for my own clothes, I could wear what I wanted. He even blamed my white half ins platforms for me getting run over 5 days before my 13th birthday!, how the hell can a pair of shoes save you from getting run over?.
 Now,I don't know if other young girls felt like I did,I suppose they did then and do now?, even though I wasn't going out with boys, I was very sexually orientated. When I babysat for Rose and her husband wasn't about, she used to lend me these magazines to read, they were kind of like soft porn, no pics, just women telling stories about these passionate love affairs with men, oh wow, I used to sit there and imagine myself as these women and I really got turned on and had cheap thrills out of these magazines, and yes,I had been doing what's supposed to make you go blind since I was about 11 years old anyway... Hmm,maybe that's why I have to wear glasses for reading and writing now?hahaha.

Irene was my youngest sibling, she was born on 3/1/69, she died on 3/9/76 from Lukemia, she was 7 years old. This touched me deeply and put me off of ever wanting children, I could never go through that experience of losing a child, so I took the easy way out and decided that I would never put myself in that situation. When she died, I cried and cried for 6 solid weeks, I kept thinking of all the things that she would miss out on, like falling in love for the very first time, silly things like that. After 6 weeks I had a dream, I was always a one for strange dreams, but this one pointed me in the way I should believe for the rest of my life, it was like a calling from beyond.
I dreamed that our back garden was like a long dusty old road and I was watching from the dining room window and I could see a mass of red and gold. As the procession got nearer,  I could see that there were all Indian/Hindu women, and they had dressed Elephants with them. On one of the Elephants was my little sister, she had her white hospital gown on, the Hindu women were the ones all dressed in the red and gold, they looked beautiful. I carried my sister indoors in my arms and sat her on the dining table, she looked at me and said "Don't cry anymore for me Eddie, I'm happy where I am", I believed her and somehow knew it to be true, then she was gone. 
I didn't know a single thing about Hinduism, so I don't know why I dreampt it, it had to be a sign didn't it?, I took it as one. As I've always been a bit of a spiritual person anyway, I started reading into Hinduism and it gave me all the answers to life that I needed to know back then.

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